Happy New Year ! - a Challenging 2009 ahead

The very best from my family to your's during the Christmas holidays. Finally the weather has improved and expect to see many on our fantastic facility at Wapiti with their new skis and snowboard gear.

For many it's a time of reflection and for me personally a time of thankfulness for many friends and family and co-workers who make my job and this blog so much fun. I especially thankful for "The Weather". I'm not a cold fan - but I'm a snow fan and though many would disagree I'd much prefer a little shovelling, to a minus 50 temperature and a fozen florescent orange extension cord.

The New Year will be a challenging one - for all of us. Economics in the US do reflect the economics in Canada to a certain measure; and we all expect big things from the new President of the United States. But - we still have to hold our own in Canada. Don't forget your local merchants - and don't forget that they - like Broadcasters - depend on your business in the months ahead. I shop local - and hope that you'll support your favorite businesses in 2009.

Please pray for and remember out troops in Afghanistan - and every Friday make it a resolution to wear something Red on Fridays. These men and women put their lives on the line every day so that we may live in this great Country called Canada. Happy New Year to all and Peace to all. How bout' a few odds and sodds to take us thru to 2009.

KNIEVEL GOES TO VEGAS _ Robbie Knievel, the 46-year-old son of the late daredevil Evel Knievel, will jump the fire-spewing volcano at The Mirage hotel-casino in Las Vegas on a motorcycle as part of a television special on New Year's Eve.

Predictions for 2009 -

New Brunswick, Newfoundland, and Nova Scotia will have to decide either to join a sovereign Quebec or move to the Northwest Territories.

As aging continues to spread in, Cher's largest tattoo will get 20% larger.

Televised sessions of Parliament will be moved to The Comedy Channel.

The Rubik’s Cube will experience a comeback after Jim Carrey solves one on "The Tonight Show" with his lips.... and The National Hockey League will discourage fighting by making the players pay their own dental bills.

Scientists have found a hole in Earth's magnetic field, it’s called Wall Street

One of the more weird stories of 2008 - TEXTING TO THE ALIENS -Some in Britain are paying to have their text messages beamed into space. Hundreds of people are paying $15 to have their text beamed into the cosmos on radio waves using a giant satellite transmission dish. A customer says"I am certain their are aliens out there, and by using this, who knows I might get lucky and my text could be the first thing from earth they see." Can you say ‘scam’ boys and girls.

Still one pair of tickets left for our trip to Puerto Plata this February. If you want to join Maureen, myself and family be sure to call CAA travel in Prince Albert. Treat yourself in 2009. We're very much looking forward for you to join us.

-- Bill --

It's Time for a Meaningful Relationship with Santa Claus

SIGNS THE HOLIDAY SEASON HAS GOTTEN AWAY FROM YOU
Everyone on your list this year is getting gum
You're just now sending out last year's Christmas cards
Your family draws everybody else's name and someone get your name as a penalty
Try as hard as you like, no one buys that Christmas pumpkin on the porch
After a year's worth of teasing about the Christmas tree still being up, NOW who's the smart one?

The Top 5 floats we want to see in the Nipawin Parade of Lights !
5...The Plumber Association Bent Pipe Band
4...Willy’s Taxidermy....Pet’s on Display Float
3... Parade O’ Marked Down Mini-Vans
2...The Nipawin Fire Department’s million miles of hose Truck, driver Les McGirr
1 …. the guy who works at the arena....his souped up Purple Duster, Mayor Day in the back seat

Welcome Laverne and Myrna Thomas of Tisdale – they are the owners of Discount Furniture and Warehouse on Highway 35 – folks that tune in pretty early.

Here’s a new word for Christmas – Banquet Beagle – ie – glutton “last time we had him at a fowl supper he inhaled a whole pie.

Watson have a beautiful light display this year and the biggest Santa Claus in Saskatchewan – they had a great kick off for their Christmas season and good morning to the McNab park committee – John Degoyer, Bill Sproule, Sherri Beamans, Debbie Schwartz, Myron Knaffle, Dan Fetter and Mayor Ted Riefferschied.

Saturday December 20th will be the busiest shopping day this year….there will be 500 debit and credit card purchases every second – doesn’t sound like much because you did 500 of your own on the weekend.

Got an email – Sarah Palins new book – “Just pay Shipping” – now that’s an interesting name for a new book. It must be about cross border shoplifting or something.

Wonder if Santa has enough coal for all the politicians this year.

Party411.com – fruitcake – centerpiece with branches, holy and candles. Holiday Door Knocker, Candle Holder, Knife holder, Guest towel holder (that takes 2 fruitcakes) – and place card holders.

NFL - We’re slowly getting closer to the end of the NFL season ...still not close enough to declare a champion in the office pool but close enough that a few are out of the running.

NORAD has a new web site for tracking Santa….. go to www.noradsanta.org and they’ll start tracking the big man at 6 a.m. on Christmas eve.

Santa makes 822.6 visits a second – no bad for an overweight 187 year old.

One thing about shopping on line - you can’t shop at the last minute like us guys are supposed too.

On Line shopping tip Number 9 – type carefully you don’t want herrings instead of earrings.

Later on the show this morning we’ll count up the Christmas shopping bruises.

Here’s where your kids would never look ...• In a box marked ‘Halloween Decorations’.• Inside the family luggage.• In a carton marked ‘Cleaning Supplies’.• Under your kid's bed.– “Parenting Magazine”

Claxton, Georgia has it written right on it’s water tower…. Fruitcake Capital of the World….the Georgia Fruit Cake Company is headquartered there – thought you may want to know where it came from – we cracked our first for supper last night

There’s a Christmas special that’s apparently been around for a couple of years called… Davey and Goliath’s Snowboard Christmas….in this special Davey goes snowboarding with his Muslim and Jewish friends and they discuss the differences in their holidays…. You know… amid talk of how they totally shredded that mountain dude

The Nintendo Wii is hard to find again this Christmas…. and the top games are Guitar Hero and Rock Band - Good luck trying to play Kumbayah on that guitar around the campfire next summer

Santa now has a Podcast and a Blog on line…… it’s being run out of Toronto at the web site santasjournal.com …. On the web site Santa is keeping a journal….

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: I SAW NEIGHBOR STEALING SANTA CLAUS _ A women in Maryland swiping Christmas decorations from her neighbor's lawns. She was found in her home with decorations from at least three area homes. Police were alerted to the thefts when a neighbor reported to police a loud noise at 4:30am and discovered her 4-foot-tall Santa and snowman had been taken from her yard.

THINGS OVERHEARD IN SANTA'S WORKSHOP:• “Whose tiny little fingers are these in the table saw?”• “You know Rudolph's 'naturally red nose'? Collagen injection.”• “I'll build toys for the fat butt, but shaving his back hair is where I draw the line.”• “Hey Santa, YOU try building a PlayStation with nothing but antique Victorian woodcarving tools, chubbo!!”• “Uh-oh! Looks like the big guy drank his lunch again.”

ETIQUETTE RULES FOR THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY:• Never mention how nice it is to have a boss who can play Santa without padding.• It's bad form to do a cannonball into the eggnog.• Try to act with dignity, decency and decorum ... even if you are a lawyer.• Do not recommend to the boss that she mix her Chivas with Slim-Fast.• Always carefully replace all the items on the boss’s desk after making out with a sales rep.• Nothing says class like a woman double fisting Seagram’s VO from the bottle.• If your party is ‘cash bar only’, consider quitting your job.

KNIEVEL GOES TO VEGAS on New Years Eve _ Robbie Knievel, the 46-year-old son of the late daredevil Evel Knievel, will jump the fire-spewing volcano at The Mirage hotel-casino in Las Vegas on a motorcycle as part of a television special on New Year's Eve.

TOP FIVE THINGS THAT DRIVE SANTA'S NEIGHBORS NUTS
Reindeer droppings on the lawn
"Doesn't that guy ever work? Oh yeah, once a year!"
Always parking his sleigh out in the street
Elf keggers
All that hammering and sawing in the toy shop

TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN DOING TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
VISA has sent you a love note
You've got "Credit Card wrist"
The mall custodian knows your first name
Toys R Us ran out of something and called you to see if you had one
You even bought a gift for the door-to-door window salesman

TOP FIVE FIRST DRAFTS OF FAMOUS CHRISTMAS SONGS
"Jingle Beers"
"Do you smell what I smell?"
"Santa Claus is Coming to An All-Inclusive Club"
"O Little Town of Twisp, Washington"
"It came upon an 11pm Clear"

Christmas toys ... that should’ve never been made ….
Pole Dancer alarm clock – when the alarm goes off dance music plays and disco lights flash and a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around her pole under the spinning disco ball – $25.99

Coffin couch – remind yourself of your own mortality while vegging on the couch watching old re-runs of Six feet under – $3500.oo

Fish Bowl bookends – fish bowl bookends just rubs us the wrong way $32.95

Ticket to heaven – comes complete with travel kit that includes a certificate of your reservation, the official heaven identification card, and a Heaven 101 informational guide. Returns and exchanges not included $12.99

Life Gem – you can’t go wrong with diamonds made from Fluffy’s remains – Life Gems cremates departed pets using the carbon to create a unique gem with a creepy back story $10,000.

Fundies – underwear for 2 probably not what you had in mind when you told your boyfriend to buy you lingerie $9.99 a pair – a pair for a pair

• ‘Destiny Clock’ ... a clock that counts down to zero based on your life expectancy.

• ‘EZ Store Furniture’ ... furniture filled with helium that floats to the ceiling when not being used.• ‘Sunbather Toe Rings’ ... mini-handcuffs used to connect the big toes together, thereby preventing sunburn to the thighs.

The Christmas Season is upon us

TOP FIVE MOST POPULAR SHOWS ON ELF TELEVISION
And the Number One most popular show on Elf TV .."Extreme makeover: Toy Shop Edition"
2 "CSI: Down here!"
3 "Dancing with the Fairies"
4 "Ugly Herbie"
5 "According to Rudolph"

Top Five Favorite Reindeer games

5 Buck .. Buck … Goose
4 Run thru the Open Meadow
3 Getting Blitzened
2 Deer Hide and Seekand the Number One favorite Reindeer game ….. Pull My Antler

Retail and on-line spending were both down in Canada in the third quarter….however the sale of anti-depressants… way up

If you missed a flu clinic the next round of clinics are coming up on Dec 1st … – you know something you can go go google now track where the flu is in North America – and I know you’re going to crawl to the computer and try to find out which country is as sick as you are.

Doing any cards this weekend – ecards are doing a booming business and you can send a card to the armed forces overseas at www.forces.ca

The Anglican Parish of Humboldt is running their store at the Humboldt Mall for Christmas and there’s a ton of Christmas ideas .. check this out Electronic Yodeling Pickle -- The electronic yodeling pickle is a 6-1/2" plastic pickle with a high-tech interior. When you press the pickle's button it belts out a yodel reminiscent of the Swiss Alps. There’s something he hasn’t got.

Michael and Phillip Wyatt in Saskatoon are looking for your support in the “Season For Change” for the Saskatoon crisis nursery – 16 restaurants in Saskatoon will donate a toonie everytime you have a meal.

In the Church bulletin over the weekend – from the Senior Living News – Next Thursday there will be tryouts for choir, they need all the help they can get – and – at the evening service tonight the sermon topic will be “What is Hell”, come early and listen to our choir practice.

SNOW – booming business is snow tires and half of Canadians are putting on snow tires this year and you can’t buy a tire in Quebec. Snow tires make a big difference and you look after them and they last a long time – Blizzacks are a good tire.

Got the Christmas lights up on the weekend – I can tell you one thing – don’t have six cups of coffee before you untangle that mess.

Got the Christmas lights up on the weekend – I checked out all the bulbs, got up on the roof in that sreaming wind – hooked them all up – and 5 lights didn’t work. Why does that happen – it always happens.


Got the Christmas lights up on the weekend – you know how you feel when you look inside a cardboard box from last year and see this ball of green wire – and what looks to be lights – that’s the way you put them away last year – so take a deep breath buddy because you have a long way to go.

In Miami a 14-year-old girl is doing well after surviving 118 days without a heart. [She plans to go into politics.]

Start to think about the Nipawin Parade of lights – always spectacular – and some of the floats are really funny – I get a kick out of the ones where a car is pulling a ski doo trailer, with a Charlie Brown Christmas tree on it advertising John’s taxidermy.

Christmas lights – Post Office People – blinking lights give people headaches – never have 6 cups of coffee before untangling a string of lights

Careful walking in parking lots – I want to sign your Christmas card and not your cast

I’m still holding out on the Barack Obama action figure on ebay for my Christmas present -

Caution while driving – it’s rutting season for the deer – I explained to my wife what rutting season was and now I’m sleeping on the couch.

Major League Baseball owners approved on Thursday a shift of ownership among the Yankees from George Steinbrenner to Hal Steinbrenner. [Pretty much the baseball equivalent of going from Fidel to Raul.]

DALY: John Daly was on a tear on Sunday shooting a bogey free eight under 62 in the final round of the Hong Kong Open

Hanging Christmas Lights tip Number 8 – never put yourself in a position where you have to call the fire department to be rescued – Les Girr and the Nipawin fire department seldom forgets a call like that one.


Brian and the boys at the Post Office – in Canada – this time of year – 40 million pieces of mail a day – admittedly 1/3 of that is junk mail – 40 million pieces of mail – and letters to Santa – make sure you get the Postal Code right – hoh oho – if you happen to get that postal code wrong your letter to Santa could end up in the red light district in Toronto – so take your time.


I’ll admit there’s a couple of things I’m watching on ebay for Christmas – I always get sucked in by the free shipping to Canada – but somewhere along the line – you get the feeling there’s a custom guy following your every keystroke – saying to himself “there’s got to be a way to nail this guy” – when it’s all said and done are we really getting a deal buying from the US on ebay – I don’t understand free trade.

More people buying real trees this year – that means more vacuum cleaners will be sold this Christmas.

• Scientists say ... size matter when it comes to all-you-can-eat buffets. Large people are more likely to use the larger plates and serve themselves immediately instead of first browsing the various options. (“I’m getting a big chunk of that roast beef before it’s all gone!”)

Too Tough Trivia – name 3 words in standard English that begin with the letters ‘dw’.
A – Dwarf, dwell and Dwindle.

Joke from the War Room – what’s the difference between your stock broker and a large pizza – a pizza can still feed a family of four.

FAVORITE CHRISTMAS CAROLS
"The 12 Days of Leftovers"
"Giblet Bells"
"O Little Bird: a Tom, a Hen"
"O Holy Pie"
"We Three Wings

Windows 7 is coming early in 2009 – solving the problems of Vista – here’s a few more features of Windows 7 …• New ‘Excel’ macro calculates exactly how many times Bill Gates can buy your sorry BUTT. • Automatically calls your mom every time you log onto an adult site.• Helpfully locates and destroys all non-Microsoft software on your computer.• Crashes twice as fast as Windows Vista.• Comes with free technical support until 2001!

-- Bill --

Puerto Plata here we come ! and Happy Thanksgiving

Special Thank you to Angel Denis who'll be heading on our trip with us. There's a few people who have upgraded but the great news is there's still room. So call CAA Travel in Prince Albert and talk to Angel at 764 6858 and hop on Bill and Maureen's Winter Escape to Puerto Plata - Dominican Republic. We'll be travelling with an Angel on our shoulder all the way.

For those of you who haven't got your passports - shame. Do it now before that big Christmas rush of your kids coming home from University to live off Mom and Dad for Two weeks. The snow will be flying before you know it. All the travellers on the trip will be gathering in December with Angel, Maureen and I for an orientation party, so you don't want to miss that during the festive season. In the meantime have yourself a Great Thanksgiving, don't forget to vote, and wait till it's about -25 with a 60 km wind to put up the Christmas lights. Haven't done many top fives lately so here's a couple to hold you until we pry ourselves out of the lazy boy after Thanksgiving dinner and write again ......

In Motion Month and it’s time to get a little more exercise – Top Six signs you need more exercise.
6 Your blood type is Ragu
5 You are chased by elephant poachers.
4 Your belly button just popped off and hit someone in the eye
3 You're wearing a belt and didn't know it... AND couldn't see it.
2 You got winded stapling some papers together
And the Number One Sign it’s time for a little more exercise … Your driver's license says, 'Picture continued on other side.'

Thanksgiving weekend is ahead and here are the Top 6 signs you know it’s going to be a great Thanksgiving.
6 Family Irish setter is starting to droul
5 Grammas bringing the shovel out to make dressing
4 Kids are busy shining up the Sterling Silver Trough
3 Dad is busy widening the door frame on the front door
2 The Butterball hotline has you on speed dial - And the Number One Sign you know it’s going to be a great Thanksgiving …. Gluttony like voting is your Canadian Patriotic duty !

The mother turkey is yelling at her kids. She says, "You kids should be ashamed! If your father could see you now he'd roll over in his gravy!"

A Butterball costs so much these days it may as well be a Christmas present.

Having a big turkey dinner -- the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.

This is a warning…. Today would be a good day to find the scraper for the car ….you want to make sure it’s handy before you walk out in a rush one morning and have to wait for the car heater to defog the windows – or just pour that hot coffee on the windshield – that would do the trick.

MEN FIND WOMEN MORE ATTRACTIVE IN FALL AND WINTER _ You may have broken your back trying to get in shape to squeeze (or not squeeze) into that summer bikini, but if you missed the boat in March, you may not be too late. A study (conducted by Poland’s University of Wroclaw) found that men seem to find women more attractive in fall and winter than in the months of maximum exposure, and they theorize that the scarcity of flesh may make what they do get to see that much more exciting.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: LANDING PLANES HAD TO WAIT FOR CONTROLLER TO WAKE UP _ Two airplanes due to land on a Greek island had to circle above the Aegean sea for more than half an hour because an air traffic controller overslept. Both planes made several failed attempts to contact control tower personnel. The airport's secondary control service assisted the pilots to land after they had circled for 40 minutes. Police said the controller, who was not named, would be suspended.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: AFTER RENOVATION, HORSE NO LONGER ALLOWED IN PUB _ A pub in England has uninvited one of its regular visitors after the place was refurbished. Peggy, a 12-year-old mare, used to enjoy a pint of beer and a package of chips alongside her owner at the Alexandra Hotel (in Jarrow). But she's no longer allowed to hang out at the bar following a makeover which included new carpets. The horse still accompanies her owner, Peter Dolan, on his trip to the pub but has to stay tethered outside.

WACKY-BUT-TRUE: MAN DRINKS AND DRIVES BECAUSE OF HIS DOG _ In the UK a landscape gardener's dog led to him driving while more than three times over the limit. Wayne Clegg called for a taxi after drinking but the driver would not let his dog travel with him. Clegg pleaded guilty to driving under the influence.

-- Bill --

Got any plans this Winter 2009 ?

Oldies CK750 & FM Country CJVR are proud to provide an exciting travel opportunity for all of our listeners!

Myself and Maureen are headed on a winter escape to the Dominican Republic on Thursday, February 19th, 2009, and everyone’s invited to come along.

They’ve set up an incredible travel package with the CAA Travel Agency in Prince Albert and Signature Vacations.

This package includes:

· A roundtrip bus from Melfort to Saskatoon.

· Roundtrip airfare from Saskatoon to Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic.

· A 7 night stay at a 4 Star, All-Inclusive, Beachfront Resort – the Iberostar Costa Dorada

· 3 meals daily, plus snacks, and all beverages at the resort and disco.

· Non-motorized water sports such as wind-surfing, kayaking, and catamarans.

· Daily activities and evening entertainment.

The resort also has 4 restaurants (1 buffet, 3 a la carte), 4 bars, 1 Pool, 2 Jacuzzis, a Sauna & Steam Room, 2 Tennis Courts, Fitness Facilities, a Shopping Plaza, and a Spa. The resort is only 5 minutes away from an 18 hole golf course and 10 minutes away from downtown Puerto Plata.

To book your package or to find out more information, call 1-800-564-6222 - or log on as a loyal listener. Don't tell anybody - but we 'might' even do our Morning Show from the beautiful Hotel Lobby.

Click on 'log on' - and check out the marvellous trip we have planned for you. What a blast - very affordable for the whole family. For Maureen and I a trip of a lifetime ! Join us !

More pics and information to come. Plan now and book your holiday today. Let's make winter 2009 a Saskatchewan winter to Remember

--- Bill

It's Going to be an Exciting Week ...

Big time news coming up Tomorrow - we'll have some great guests in studio and we'll let you know how you can have a marvellous vacation during the winter of 2009. It's be a blast - stay tuned.

TOP FIVE SIGNS you’re Barbecue over the weekend sucked …..
5 Flies landing on potato salad died instantly
4 Those "summer birds" circling overhead sure looked like vultures
3 Health Department filming barbecue for their "How not to" series
2 Goodyear Blimp actually circling overhead thinking it was a disaster area.
And the Number One Sign your barbecue sucked over the weekend …. Dad yelled out in front of all the guests … , "Does this ostrich look done to you?"

An American couple is standing in an airport terminal somewhere in the States, waiting for their luggage.
The wife happens to notice an oddly dressed man - She asks her husband where he thinks the guy is from and the husband says he doesn’t know.
The Husband asks the guy .. 'Where are you from ?'
And the guy says …. 'Saskatoon, Saskatchewan'
And the wife says to her husband … 'Well, where is he from ?' and the husband says …
'I don't know' 'He doesn't speak English.

Top 5 things you got from Walking in Relay For Life you weren’t expecting ….
5 Lucrative sponsorship deal with Doctor Scholls.
4 When everybody was half asleep Verda Hoppe won enough money at crib to buy a car
3 You’re Calf Muscle which you hardly ever thought about, is … much, much larger than you really knew.
2 Technical director Mel McCorriston wants new computer - 4.5 gigaherz, 10 gigs of Ram - with at least 5 tetrabytes of storage space.
And the Number One thing you got from Relay for Life you weren’t expecting …… over 187,000 dollars to Beat Cancer !!!

Hey guys – bad news .. the push type lawn mower is making a comeback… because of our pollution problems and because people don’t mind a bit of a work out cutting the lawn…..and it all sounds like a good idea until you try to push it through long grass – then you power up the 15 horsepower weed wacker and scalp the lawn


The locking gas cap is making a comeback – no big surprise there – police are reporting siphoning of gas tanks – hybrid is the way to go now.



You know what is selling in record numbers – Tupperware – and it’s always a sign that the economy is so-so – lots of leftovers eaten at home – and storage for the ton of junk in the garage. More garage sales than ever before as well.

The average north American girl has eight Barbie dolls....although at any given time three of them are out of action.... lying naked at the bottom of the toy box

A Lancaster, New York, man was charged with public lewdness after police found him with a pair of boxer shorts around his ankles. The suspect told police he was "getting a tan."
This summer one Ohio baseball fan at a Lake County Captains game will win an all-expenses paid funeral. The funeral prize package is $6,000 and consists of a free basic casket, a free basic vault, and free service. A burial plot is not included. The winner will be picked at a game in August.

APPLE iPRODUCTS COULD SOON GO W/O ELECTRICITY _ Owners of Apple devices such as iPods and iPhones may soon be able to charge them up by leaving them out in the sun. Apple is working on alayer of solar cells to be inserted under a touch-sensitive screen of the sort used in the iPhone. And … voila .. no need for power.

The CBS chief is deciding whether to retain Katie Couric as the network's lead news anchor. [Or if they should resort to the traditional grumpy old man.]

Max Motors in Butler, Missouri, says sales have quadrupled since the start of the offer. Customers can choose between a gun or a $250 gas card, but most so far have chosen the gun. The dealership sells new and old vehicles and its logo shows a cowboy holding a pistol.

Motorcycle daredevil Robbie Knievel successfully jumped over 24 delivery trucks over the weekend. [He only had one shot to get it right. Couldn’t afford the gas for the second


-- need a little rain God, thanks -- Bill

Ready for the Long Weekend

Top 5 signs the long weekend is almost here ……
5 people working an extra 14 hours for one more measly day off.
4 folks getting anywhere near a liquor store to see if the line up has started yet
3 Tisdale Fire dpt getting ready for 8 to 14 grass fires over the long weekend
2 trying to get the smell out of the old damp camping gear from 7 months ago.

And the Number One sign the long weekend is here ….. people concerned about interest rates because they have to get a loan to pay for the gas they’ll need this weekend.

Iron Man is everywhere ….. Top 7 problems being Iron man …. With an iron suit.

7 Everybody's always asking you to crack walnuts for them.

6 Guys down at the junkyard always using the giant electromagnet to mess with you.

5 ‘Carbon Nanotube Man’ always teasing you about how his suit is lighter.

4 Tongue sticks to the inside of helmet in the Winter.

3 Clanking makes it hard to sneak up on the bad guys.

2 Keeps setting off that security thingy when you exit Shoppers

And the Number One problem with having an iron suit ... rump rust…

History today ....

Gene Pingle of Myrtle Creek, Oregon, set a world onion peeling record on this day in 1977. Gene peeled 50 pounds of onions in 31 minutes. He was so happy he cried for two hours.

The Swinging Washing Machine was patented on this day in 1888. a large swing operated the machine. Thus, children could swing and wash clothes at the same time. More often than not, however, one child would swing while the other child fell into the machine. Hey, it was good clean fun.

Joe DiMaggio began a record 56-game hitting streak on this date in 1941. Ball players are so superstitious, I wonder if he used the same bat for 56 days? The same uniform? The same plug of tobacco?

The first nylon stockings went on sale today … And from that day forward, legs have looked a lot better and men have looked a lot longer.

What's Happening .......

Got a to do list for the weekend – rake, y’know we have to mow the lawn, and get in a round of golf, got to have the first BBQ – and oh yea – paint a house this weekend.

CJVR news is watching the gas prices very carefully … and … ooops .. too late.

Did you know that 20,000 Canadians identify their religion as “Jedi – Guardians of Peace and Justice from Star Wars – I don’t think they go to church they just rent Star Wars movies.

This weekend the World Hockey Championships wrap up – or you call it – the leaf’s fans consolation prize.

Jay Leno last night – the only thing good about the Cannes film festival is topless beaches and Cameron Diaz.

Cannes film festival big disappointment Number 3 for Don Faulkner in Tisdale – no Jerry Lewis movies …

Humboldt Broncos have their big due Friday night – have a good time and drive carefully. We're proud of you guys !!

Good morning to Ryan Kadrowski the editor of the Tisdale Recorder … Great newspaper - always a great read

Mary Sawatsky of Tisdale has donated a quilt for a raffle for Relay for Life – Terrific stuff Mary and that quilt has been on display at many cancer functions. 45 teams so far and lots of time to register your team.

Wal mart reports a profit of 3.02 Billion dollars … no wonder all those yellow faces in Walmart are smiling all the time.

Police say a 7-year-old South Florida boy, who plays Grand Theft Auto on his XBOX … faces grand theft auto charges after taking his grandmother's Dodge Durango for a joyride. The eight minute trek left a swath of damage in his neighborhood Friday. The boy smashed mailboxes, hit parked cars and signposts. Luckily he was unhurt. Police said he literally drove until a wheel fell off. The right front wheel, to be exact, which broke off after the boy hit a sign.

-- Bill -- talk to you at 530 am

I Love May

Top 5 things I love about May on the Prairies …..
5 Even on May 12 you can still find a pond to skate on
4 Even on May 12 you can still golf in your down filled Canadian made parka
3 Constant exercise raking between snowfalls
2 There’s only one season all year long to worry about

and the Number One thing I love about May on the Prairies – you still have that handy remote start to warm up the car on the May long weekend.

Top 5 things women say when they’re stressed at work ….. here we go ladies …
5 Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done
4 Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
3 Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
2 Don't worry. I forgot your name too.And the Number One thing women say when they’re stressed out at work …….. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

Local -----

Good morning to Ryan Kadrowski the editor of the Tisdale Recorder …

Mary Sawatsky of Tisdale has donated a quilt for a raffle for Relay for Life – Terrific stuff Mary and that quilt has been on display at many cancer functions. 41 teams so far and lots of time to register your team.

I was at Jubilee Ford on the weekend – and saw a magnet on the staff Microwave … “I don’t have hot flashes – I have short private vacations in the Tropics.

National / International .......
72.5% of men answered "yes," when Cosmopolitan magazine asked, "Can falling in love affect your job performance?"

Pseudo-actor David Hasselhoff says he'll have nothing to do with the retooled “Knight Rider” TV series (NBC) because producers ignored his ideas for the pilot and reneged on an offer to let him guest star (you tell ‘em – they’re really gonna miss having a drunk crawling around the set on all-fours!) .

A new poll says the most anticipated movie of the season is Sex and the City. [The Roger Clemens Story.]

Gas prices are continuing to go up. Aren’t you glad you drive a really old car – because when the piece fall off you get better mileage.

On TV yesterday: Yoga classes for pets are now popular. Experts say you can teach your pet to meditate. Gee, I’m not so sure. My dog/cat sleeps 20 hours a day -- eats one hour a day -- licks himself three hours a day. Trying to squeeze meditation into his busy schedule might just cause a lot of stress.

Imports of Barbie dolls and other Western toys will have destructive cultural and social consequences in Iran, the Islamic Republic's top prosecutor was quoted as saying. [I agree. The last thing Iran needs is millions of little girls who think they can do what they want.]

Modesto, California, police are blaming a scratching cat for an accident that toppled a power pole and shut down a street for nearly an hour. A police spokesman that a woman was driving with a cat in her lap. The animal scratched her, and she drove into the pole. The woman suffered minor injuries and was taken to a hospital. The cat was taken to a vet to treat an injured eye.

Police say a 7-year-old South Florida boy faces grand theft auto charges after taking his grandmother's Dodge Durango for a joyride. The eight minute trek left a swath of damage in his neighborhood Friday. The boy smashed mailboxes, hit parked cars and signposts. Luckily he was unhurt. Police said he literally drove until a wheel fell off. The right front wheel, to be exact, which broke off after the boy hit a sign.

MILEY CYRUS is the World’s Richest Celebrity according to People magazine. She will be worth about $1 billion at the end of the year following total income from movies, television and her book deal.

Scientists studying the DNA of chickens say they are actually descendents of the Tyrannosaurus rex. As you can imagine, there were a lot fewer chicken jokes back then.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:Today’s Question: 1-in-12 of today’s new moms have THIS in common... They are age 35 or older (a 73% increase since 1970).

Witnesses at the scene said they watched furniture getting sucked through a broken window of the CNN lobby. The CNN employees said the last time they saw furniture sucking so dramatically—they were shopping at IKEA.

The CBS chief is deciding whether to retain Katie Couric as the network's lead news anchor. [Or if they should resort to the traditional grumpy old man.]

Odds and Sods

Canadian Mint is checking out the 5 dollar coin again and scrapping the penny – there going to do this – but they need a name for this coin – Top 6 rejected names for the 5 dollar coin.
6 The Big Nickel – that’s pretty lame
5 The Quintooney
4 3.98 American
3 The Tin Fin
2 The Back Breaker – like that one
And the Number One rejected Name for the 5 dollar coin ---- two toonies, a loney and a piece of fluff

Out of the Mouths of Babes – great thoughts from Wee Little Kids …

• “When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.”
• “I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?”• “If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how quiet it would be until the looting started.”
• “As you make your way through life, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you’ll have a couple of days saved up.”
• “Think of the biggest number you can. Now add 5. Then, imagine if you had that many donuts”• “I once heard the voice of God. It said ‘Vrrrrmmmmm’. Unless that was just a lawnmower.”

TIM MCGRAW’s first cologne, McGraw By Tim McGraw, will be out in August. The scent is described as spicy and woody and contains elements of lavender, sandlewood, nutmeg and aged whiskey. He will appear in print and television ads to promote its release.

TRISHA YEARWOOD’s new cookbook, Georgia Cooking In An Oklahoma Kitchen, debuts at #3 on this week’s New York Times Best Sellers Hardback list.

On TV yesterday: Yoga classes for pets are now popular. Experts say you can teach your pet to meditate. Gee, I’m not so sure. My cat sleeps 20 hours a day -- eats one hour a day -- licks himself three hours a day. Trying to squeeze meditation into his busy schedule might just cause a lot of stress.

YOUR TEEN SON IS BUSY STARTING TODAY _ What will your teen son be doing this week and weekend? One of two things, or both: playing Grand Theft Auto IV, which is out today (April 29), or watching Iron Man, which hits theaters Friday. Analysts predict GTA IV will easily top last year's record-breaking $300 million first-week sales of Halo 3.

Scientists in the UK are seeking 150 women to eat chocolate every day for a year for the cause of medical research. [So far three and a half billion women have applied.]

Imports of Barbie dolls and other Western toys will have destructive cultural and social consequences in Iran, the Islamic Republic's top prosecutor was quoted as saying. [I agree. The last thing Iran needs is millions of little girls who think they can do what they want.]

Modesto, California, police are blaming a scratching cat for an accident that toppled a power pole and shut down a street for nearly an hour. A police spokesman that a woman was driving with a cat in her lap. The animal scratched her, and she drove into the pole. The woman suffered minor injuries and was taken to a hospital. The cat was taken to a vet to treat an injured eye.Police say a 7-year-old South Florida boy faces grand theft auto charges after taking his grandmother's Dodge Durango for a joyride. The eight minute trek left a swath of damage in his neighborhood Friday. The boy smashed mailboxes, hit parked cars and signposts. Luckily he was unhurt. Police said he literally drove until a wheel fell off. The right front wheel, to be exact, which broke off after the boy hit a sign.

-- Bill

Administrative Professionals Day- aka - Happy Secretaries Week

THE SECRETARY'S CREED: In honor of “Administrative Professionals Day” ...

• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4 pm. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.• If it's really a ‘rush job’, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.• Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.• If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.• Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.• If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.• If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.• If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.• Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.

Is that secretary calling ….. TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'RE REALLY LATE FOR WORK
5 You bump into a supervisor as he's heading home
4 Wait a second! The sun is going down!
3 All the traffic is heading the other way
2 You hear people mutter "Why even bother?" as you walk in

And the Number One Sign you’re really late for work … You sit down for your weekly Tuesday meeting. It was yesterday.

PEEVE: For Administrative Professional’s Day here are the top five biggest pet peeves of administrative professional’s everywhere:

5...constantly being lumped into the same group as no talent receptionists
4...you leave home for a career and you end up being a mother all day anyway for a bunch of useless sales people
3...the boss makes ten times as much as you and he doesn’t even know how to turn a computer on
2...those wrist bandages you have to wear for your carpal tunnel syndrome don’t go with anything.
1...the boss thinks he runs the company and he gets a big office.....you actually run the company and all they can afford for you is a cubicle with some fake walls.

BOOK: Today is the 13th annual Canada Book Day and here are the top five truly Canadian book titles:
5…The Maple Syrup Murders
4…Ski-Dooing in July and Other Things You Shouldn’t Try
3…The Perma-Frost Affair
2…101 Ways to Stay Warm
1....In Gretzky We Trust

SECRETARY, AGAIN: Here are the top five best things about going to lunch with the boss for Administrative Professional’s Day:
5...you find out what the boss thinks of you if you end up at a chip truck
4...you can make the boss sweat by asking the waiter all kinds of questions about the Lobster
3...it makes you realize how enjoyable lunches with your friends really are
2...you end up with a bunch of good “boy are they an idiot” stories to tell co-workers
1...you can gouge the boss for a lot more money than if you just get the customary flowers

SEC: Today is Administrative Professional’s Day..... and here are some reasons it’s great to be a male administrative professional:
-no one expects very much
-in a lot of cases it’s easier to impersonate the boss on the phone to get things done
-the boss doesn’t think you’ll like flowers so you get cash on Administrative Professional’s Day

TYPE: Today in Springfield, Missouri it’s the 18th annual KGBX Typewriter Toss .... it’s to celebrate Secretary’s Day and has gotten easier for the radio station.... as they now have their pick of typewriters to toss and they don’t cost anything because they’re all obsolete anyway
NOTE: Today is Administrative Professional’s Day, but remember, tomorrow they’ll want to be referred to as……… executive assistants once again

-- Bill (have a good day Darlene)

He drove the Snakes out of Ireland

St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is one of Christianity's most widely known figures. But for all his celebrity, his life remains somewhat of a mystery. Many of the stories traditionally associated with St. Patrick, including the famous account of his banishing all the snakes from Ireland, are false, the products of hundreds of years of exaggerated storytelling.

Top 5 – things you should do to get ready for St Patrick’s Day

5 pick up an extra large bottle of Tylenol
4 if you’re a glutton for punishment listen to the Irish Rovers and the Carlton Showband
3 See if anybody remembers the tv show ‘The Pig and Whistle’ if they do – beat them up.
2 start looking for a parade to be in …

and the Number One thing you should do to get ready for St. Patrick’s Day – haul out the Patty O’ Furniture.

In Canada we have shamrocks, too. The economy is on the rocks and the government is a sham.

The Irish believe in leprechauns. Leprechauns are mischievous little fellows who delight in telling wildly exaggerated stories. They're like little green pauperizes.

St. Patrick's Day -- when everybody is half Irish and half plastered.

Got the St Patrick’s day weekend coming up – when everyone who wants to drink on Sunday night puts Mc in front of their name. Here’s how funny it sounds when you put Mc in front of your last name .. a few people that work around CJVR.. McSkender, McRomaniuk, McTuleta, McSanderson. McHankey..... do that at work a few times it’s a lot of fun and will make you very popular.

St Patricks day weekend and I wonder if MacDonalds are thinking of bringing back the Shamrock Shake for the weekend. We should get a lobby group going … I suppose if they wanted to make it really successful they could put a thimble full of the good stuff in it.

Hey – coming up is the last weekend of winter … Top 7 ways you can tell it’s the last weekend of winter …..
7 Big River still giving away 10 thousand dollars for the biggest frozen fish …
6 only 3 snowmobile will fall thru the ice this weekend
5 just got a call from OK tire and my snow tires are in
4 feels like you’re surrounded by people with tans and shirts that say Florida
3 washed the car by driving thru freezing rain and a few lousy potholes
2 finally turned the furnace down and found out how cold it still gets at nightand the Number One way you can tell it’s the last weekend of winter….. it looked nice from the inside but jumped the gun on wearing shorts.

and Donald Duck is celebrating his 74th birthday this weekend. He's dying his ears, uses Rogaine, and ... from time to time needs 'the little blue pill'.

-- Bill

Tomorrow's show - Today

Cabin fever is a condition that produces restlessness and irritability caused from being in a confined space. The actual term is slang for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a party is isolated and/or shut in, alone or together, for an extended period.

Top 5 – Hi to Nutritionists across the province, locally Kathlene Hangs – here’s the top 5 facts for Nutrition month.

5 Red Bull is not a food group.
Cabin fever is a condition that produces restlessness and irritability caused from being in a confined space. The actual term is slang for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a party is isolated and/or shut in, alone or together, for an extended period.
4 Just because they’re made from 10 different pork by-products, hot dogs are not bad.
3 Arena burgers, if eaten in the home teams rink do count as a food group.
2 Nutrition poster boy this year is Clay Aiken, eating veggie anything.
And the Number One fact for Nutrition month – it’s an urban legend; boys and girls that if you eat all your vegetables Mom and Dad will buy you a cell phone …

According to a new online poll, these are the occupations currently perceived to have the most ‘sex appeal’

...10. Soldier 9. Cowboy 8. Surgeon 7. Pilot 6. Photographer 5. Nurse 4. Bartender 3. CEO 2. Personal Trainer 1. Firefighter (3rd year-in-a-row at #1) Les McGirr in Nipawin and John MacDonald in Melfort should be happy about that one.

I can safely say the only fireman I'd be attracted to is one who rescues me. It would be a female fire fighter.

1876 [132] Alexander Graham Bell patents the ‘Telephone’, and 3 days later makes the 1st phone call (unfortunately he’s redirected to voicemail)

1983 Willie Nelson received the Lifetime Achievement Award from he Songwriters' Hall of Fame. It was such a big honor, Willie had his bandana replaced

The coin-operated bus station locker was patented on this date in 1911. Kidnappers everywhere suddenly sat up and said, "Wow!. What a great place for a ransom drop!"

Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone on this day in 1876. In those days it was almost impossible to get an appointment at the patent office -- primarily because they didn't have a phone.

1982 [26] Susan Birmingham sets world record for ‘Loudest Human Shout’ at 120 decibels (an intensity on par with sitting in the front row at a rock concert)

• “Celebrate Your Name Week” continues, when we’re encouraged to learn the meaning of our names and take pride in them. Here’s a site offering instant background on thousands ...NET: http://www.behindthename.com/

• “Dentist's Day”, honoring the professionals who help us maintain a big, toothy smile.

Bill's WATER COOLER QUESTION: Today’s Question: According to a recent survey, almost half of all women say they would describe their man with THIS word.Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Messy’.

• Dolly Parton – The country icon says she’s on a mission to pile on pounds because she wants to disprove rumors that suggest she’s suffering from an eating disorder. (She also needs counter-balance so she doesn’t keep falling forward.) If she could re allocate some of the weight .....?

Dolly Parton is writing the music and lyrics for an updated stage version of her hit 1980 movie, "9 to 5." The new version, based on the 2007 economy is called, "9 to 5, Come Home, Take A Quick Nap, And Then Go To My Other Full-Time Job."

Billy Ray Cyrus and Mylie Cyrus will host and perform the 2008 CMT Music awards – big stuff … April 14th. Mylie Cyrus is such a good interview – Barbara Walters talked to her and she was incredible and what a voice.

• Josh Turner – The “Firecracker” country star has canceled all immediate commitments in order to recover from a chronic sinus infection he acquired during a recent bout with the flu. He’ll return to the road with Carrie Underwood for a MARCH 18 concert in Bethlehem PA.

April Fool’s Day….. Canada’s MP’s are jacking up their salary by $4,600 bucks each per year….. a 3% raise taking them to $155,000 ….ha ha – funny funny big joke – April Fool – what kind of a country gives their mp’s a raise on April 1st.

EASTER: Easter Cream Egg McFlurry’s are now at McDonalds … many carbs – many inches on the hips.

Two daughters in college and I always knew … 80% qualify as ‘sleep-deprived’. A National Sleep Foundation poll finds that most young adults get only 6.8 hours of shut-eye per night. One of mine ran over her cell phone the other day… this would be her third. Left it on the roof of a the car.

A recent study found Canada’s middle class is shrinking…. With 80% of Canadian families working more and earning less then they did 30 years ago…the gap between rich and poor keeps growing and the number of families in the middle is dwindling….rather sad when you think about it.

• The Quecha language of Peru has about 1,000 words pertaining to potatoes. (2008 is officially the UN’s ‘Year of the Potato’.) I’ sorry I think about without laughing out loud. Now – feeding people in impoverished country’s – yes – understand that.

There’s a new problem in the world of competitive ski jumping…. The jumpers are developing eating disorders in an attempt to stay as skinny as possible so they can get more distance out of their jumps…

Were you a boy scout when you were young ...The Scouts are celebrating their 101s birthday and their updating their image – its Be Prepared.com now, they’re not tenting in the bush .. their renting a nice cabin by the beach in Candle Lake.

YOUR FAVORITE BASEBALL PLAYER USED HGH IN THE OFF-SEASON
Head no longer fits in the batter's box
Needed to cut hole in dugout roof so he could sit down
Only needs three steps to reach 1st base
Had to sew two uniforms together
Trainer uses a golf cart to massage his back

and just for Nutrition Month ....

Top 5 SIGNS YOU'RE NOT A FASHION MODEL:
5 Last night's dinner consisted of MORE than 3 peas.
4 That photo of you and your pug on your Facebook page with the caption, “I'm the one on the left.”
3 You only landed the lead role in ‘Hunchback’ because the producers wanted to save money on makeup.
2 What good are $250-shoes if you can't see 'em?
1 Jim Bob's All-U-Kin-Eat Country Buffet had to hire a bouncer to keep you out.

GUIDE TO DECIPHERING APARTMENT RENTAL ADS: it's spring and lots of people contemplating that move ....

• “Easy Access to Transportation” ... next to railroad tracks.• “Great View” ... overlooks the dumpster.• “Heated Pool” ... when the sun's out.• “Light and Airy” ... cold and drafty.• “Pets Welcome” ... the place smells.• “Rustic” ... interior design from the '80s.• “Secure Parking” ... manager's apartment overlooks the parking lot.• “Spacious” ... it’s a flippin’ hole in the wall.

-- Bill

A Classic - I love it - Red Skelton

Before any wives cry foul on this one - there are lots of things wrong with men. Men in a marraige, men at the office, men in sports. But Red Skelton had a special brand of humor that is not found today. The closest comedian I recall who uses the English language well in comedic fashion is Brett Butt.

Here is Vintage Red Skelton .....

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said 'There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!' .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling 'Am I too late for the garbage?' .... The driver said 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked 'What's on the TV?' I said 'Dust!'Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it.........this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.

-- Bill

The Wonder of the Human Body

 
The human body is a machine that is full of wonder.
This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering we were designed the way we were.


-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the
smallest is the male sperm.

-You use 200 muscles to take one step.

-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.

-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the
Encyclopedia Britannica.

-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your
stomach.

-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis
of the liver than men with hair.

-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a
single cell.

-There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a
gallon of water to a boil.

-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born

-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and
they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.

And all of the above we think, we use, without any thought all parts of the Human Body  The Wonder of the Human Body will never cease to wonder.   I hope it amazes you.

-- Bill

Life After the Oscar's - today's show

Last night’s Oscar’s were scheduled to be three hours long but they felt longer than:
-watching the movie Titanic ….in slow motion
-a game of golf....when you’re caddying.

The House of Commons is back to work today and tomorrow Prime Minister Steve’s government brings down their budget….and they call it “bringing down” the budget instead of “bringing up” the budget because after the budget we find out how they’re wasting our money and we’re the ones usually bringing up.

Last night they handed out the Academy Awards.....
I nooded off so I missed what Cher was wearing
it was a good  reason to not have to sit through another episode of Desperate Housewives
I could stay up, watch the whole thing and hopefully will be so tired I won’t even realize it’s Monday before it’s over.


• SATURDAY at the 28th “Golden Raspberry Awards” for the year’s worst films, Lindsay Lohan's “I Know Who Killed Me” had 8 ‘wins’, breaking the previous record of 7 jointly held by “Showgirls” & “Battlefield Earth”. The film was named ‘Worst Movie of the Year’ and Lohan herself won 2 ‘Worst Actress Awards’ & ‘Worst Onscreen Couple’ for playing twins. (She’s excited ... it’s her first-ever acting awards!)
– CBC Arts

The 28th annual Razzie winners were named on Saturday including worst picture I Know Who Killed Me starring Lindsay Lohan….which had such memorable lines as… “where’s the nearest re-hab center??”

Over the weekend in Cuba the 10th annual Habano Cigar Festival wrapped up….so now all there is left to do is… go have your clothes all drycleaned so you’re not reminded every day for the next year that you attended.

Universal women’s week ….. this is a special week for all women in the galaxy... even the Klingon women.

-National Professional Pet Sitters Week....and you can easily tell a professional pet sitter from a rank amateur.... the non-pro is likely to ask questions like... does the dog go to the bathroom everyday ?

Did you know that Prime Minister Harper was once a boy scout……where he received an honor badge in tying the opposition up in knots.

The Songwriters Association of Canada is proposing that everyone’s internet bill go up by $5 dollars a month and in exchange they can download all the illegal songs they want….and y’know in my business I agree.

As of today just ten months to Christmas …just a payment reminder from Visa.

As of today just ten months to Christmas … it’s safe to say that there isn’t anyone who is done their shopping yet – but Mom saved all those ribbons and bows right.

One of my favorite weeks … This is National Procrastinators Week....so the local chapter meeting might be at 8 tonight – or 8 tomorrow night.

Over the weekend the first Running of the Reindeer happened in Anchorage, Alaska where… like the Running of the Bulls…. Participants ran down Fourth Avenue in Anchorage ahead of a bunch of reindeer……although this wasn’t quite as dangerous as the running of the bulls because the participants in Anchorage… had four layers of clothes on so… it’s not like the reindeer’s antlers could break through that.

History Monday Feb 25 08’
[41] Carrot Top (Scott Thompson), Cocoa Beach FL, clown-haired comedian who relies on wacky props.

Canadian Idol winner Eva Avila turns 21 today

-Sally Jesse Raphael is 65...

-Tea Leoni is 42..... she’s married to David Duchovny

-Julio Iglasias Junior is 35…..he’s the son of Julio Iglasias and while his brother Enrique has a big singing career… Julio Junior is following Frank Sinatra Junior…

-Nancy O’Dell is 42….she’s a co-host on Access Hollywood…and she gets to work with Billy Bush every day which must… really make her feel smart

-Bob Schieffer is 71….he’s the newsman that filled in on the CBS Evening News after Dan Rather left while they waited for Katie Couric to start…

• “Don't Utter a Word Day”, because the world is made up of talkers and listeners ... and the listeners need a rest.

• “Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries Day”. Well, the alternative sure is the pits.

• “Lumberjack Day”, honoring a tough job that’s become a popular sport ... logging games ?


TODAY'S RECORD . . .
1896 ‘Largest Chicken Egg’ on record laid by a Black Minorca hen in England (the 5-yolk egg weighs nearly 12 ounces and measures 12.25 inches around the long axis and 9 inches around the short axis)

1981 ‘Most-Penalized NHL Hockey Game’ as Boston Bruins & Minnesota North Stars amass 84 penalties for a total of 392 minutes

Top 5
The nominations are out for the 30th annual “Diagram Prize” for ‘Oddest Book Title Of the Year’. Among the front-runners ...
5 “Are Women Human? And Other International Dialogues”
4 “Cheese Problems Solved”
3 “How to Write a How to Write Book”
2 “I Was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen”
and the Number One Nomination for Oddest Book Title of the Year ….1 “If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs”

Before you nod off .zzz....it's Oscar Time Again

Has it really been a year since we saw Tori Spelling, spilling out a Fountanochee Gown ??  Well here we go - Baba Walters, Regis Philpin, and Jon Stewart.  Hope everyone is ready for Sunday night and early Monday morning you may know the best flick of the year.  Who knows - they might even let Brittany out for this one ....   Here's the skinny...

Top 6…. things we don’t want to see at the Oscars …..
6 Any trailer from “ I know who killed me” with Lindsay Lohan
5 Any promotion of Jeely 2, the sequel
4 No mention of Jack Bauer’s DUI record
3 We don’t want to see any footage of David Hasselhoff eating anything
2 No pictures of Michael Moore mooning another photographer
And the Number One thing we don’t want to see at the Oscars on Sunday Night … any dance number by Britney Spears

“Sicko” director Michael Moore says he wants Fidel Castro to be his special guest at the Oscars SUNDAY, claiming it would be a great ‘ratings grabber’ (more bafflegab from the big guy) .

• “Academy Awards” (ABC/CTV) – SUNDAY Jon Stewart hosts the 80th annual Hollywood film awards from the Kodak Theatre in LA. A few highlights ...


– Regis Philbin (“Live With Regis & Kelly”) hosts the official Oscar red-carpet show (ABC).

– The Coen bros’ “No Country For Old Men” lead nominations with 8.

– Actress Cate Blanchett could make history as she’s nominated for both ‘Best Actress’ (“Elizabeth: The Golden Age”) & ‘Best Supporting Actress’ (“I'm Not There”). It's the 11th time a performer has received double nominations, but no one has ever won both.

– Sound mixer Kevin O'Connell has his 20th “Academy Awards” nomination (“Transformers”). So far, he’s lost out 19 consecutive times.

– Halifax NS-native Ellen Page is up for ‘Best Actress’ for “Juno”; that film’s Montréal-born director, Jason Reitman, is also nominated; Toronto director Sarah Polley (“Away From Her”) is nominated for ‘Best Adapted Screenplay’.

OSCAR NODDING: Here are the big nominees for the 80th Oscars:
Best Picture: Atonement, Juno, Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood….

Best Actor: George Clooney – Michael Clayton, Daniel Day-Lewis – There Will Be Blood, Johnny Depp – Sweeney Todd, Tommy Lee Jones – In the Valley of Elah, Viggo Mortenden – Eastern Promises…

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett – Elizabeth: The Golden Age, Julie Christie – Away from Her, Marion Cotillard – La Vie en Rose, Laura Linney – The Savages, Ellen Page – Juno….

Best Director: Julian Schnabel – The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Jason Reitman – Juno, Tony Gilroy – Michael Clayton, Joel and Ethan Coen – No Country For Old Men, Paul Thomas Anderson – There Will Be Blood….

Best Animated Film: Surf’s Up, Ratatouille and Persepolis…..this is also sometimes called the Parents with Young Children Award….cause we’ve seen all of these



and in other news .....

1980s TV show “Knight Rider” appears to be fast-tracked to once again become a regular NBC-TV series after its reincarnation as a 2-hour movie attracted close to 13 million viewers (who says there’s no quality TV?)

. PETA’s annual list of ‘Worst-Dressed Celebs’ (people who wear animal skins) is topped by Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin, thanks to her Grammy Awards get-up, followed by fellow fur-bearers Eva Longoria & Lindsay Lohan (when has she ever appeared clothed?) .

Hasbro toy brands “Transformers” & “GI Joe” have already been sold as movie properties and now the company has a new 6-year partnership deal with Universal Studios to produce at least 4 films based on other products, which might include “Clue”, “Monopoly”, or “Ouija” (“Ouija: The Movie”?)

NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE COMING TO TV -- IN 2011 _ It's not in theaters yet, but USA Network has bought TV rights to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Set your DVR now -- it'll be on your TV in 2011.

TOP FIVE RUNNERUP TITLES FOR THE NEW INDIANA JONES MOVIE
1. and the Number One runner up title for the Indiana Jones Movie …."Indiana Jones and the Eternal Left-Turn Blinker"
2. "Raiders of the last Early-Bird Buffet"
3. "Indiana Jones and the Metamucil of Doom"
4. "Indiana Jones and the...uh...what were we talking about again?"
5 "Indiana Jones and the kids playing on his front lawn"

-- Bill