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SIGNS THE HOLIDAY SEASON HAS GOTTEN AWAY FROM YOU
Everyone on your list this year is getting gum
You're just now sending out last year's Christmas cards
Your family draws everybody else's name and someone get your name as a penalty
Try as hard as you like, no one buys that Christmas pumpkin on the porch
After a year's worth of teasing about the Christmas tree still being up, NOW who's the smart one?
Everyone on your list this year is getting gum
You're just now sending out last year's Christmas cards
Your family draws everybody else's name and someone get your name as a penalty
Try as hard as you like, no one buys that Christmas pumpkin on the porch
After a year's worth of teasing about the Christmas tree still being up, NOW who's the smart one?
The Top 5 floats we want to see in the Nipawin Parade of Lights !
5...The Plumber Association Bent Pipe Band
4...Willy’s Taxidermy....Pet’s on Display Float
3... Parade O’ Marked Down Mini-Vans
2...The Nipawin Fire Department’s million miles of hose Truck, driver Les McGirr
1 …. the guy who works at the arena....his souped up Purple Duster, Mayor Day in the back seat
Welcome Laverne and Myrna Thomas of Tisdale – they are the owners of Discount Furniture and Warehouse on Highway 35 – folks that tune in pretty early.
Here’s a new word for Christmas – Banquet Beagle – ie – glutton “last time we had him at a fowl supper he inhaled a whole pie.
Watson have a beautiful light display this year and the biggest Santa Claus in Saskatchewan – they had a great kick off for their Christmas season and good morning to the McNab park committee – John Degoyer, Bill Sproule, Sherri Beamans, Debbie Schwartz, Myron Knaffle, Dan Fetter and Mayor Ted Riefferschied.
Saturday December 20th will be the busiest shopping day this year….there will be 500 debit and credit card purchases every second – doesn’t sound like much because you did 500 of your own on the weekend.
Got an email – Sarah Palins new book – “Just pay Shipping” – now that’s an interesting name for a new book. It must be about cross border shoplifting or something.
Wonder if Santa has enough coal for all the politicians this year.
Party411.com – fruitcake – centerpiece with branches, holy and candles. Holiday Door Knocker, Candle Holder, Knife holder, Guest towel holder (that takes 2 fruitcakes) – and place card holders.
NFL - We’re slowly getting closer to the end of the NFL season ...still not close enough to declare a champion in the office pool but close enough that a few are out of the running.
NORAD has a new web site for tracking Santa….. go to www.noradsanta.org and they’ll start tracking the big man at 6 a.m. on Christmas eve.
Santa makes 822.6 visits a second – no bad for an overweight 187 year old.
One thing about shopping on line - you can’t shop at the last minute like us guys are supposed too.
On Line shopping tip Number 9 – type carefully you don’t want herrings instead of earrings.
Later on the show this morning we’ll count up the Christmas shopping bruises.
5...The Plumber Association Bent Pipe Band
4...Willy’s Taxidermy....Pet’s on Display Float
3... Parade O’ Marked Down Mini-Vans
2...The Nipawin Fire Department’s million miles of hose Truck, driver Les McGirr
1 …. the guy who works at the arena....his souped up Purple Duster, Mayor Day in the back seat
Welcome Laverne and Myrna Thomas of Tisdale – they are the owners of Discount Furniture and Warehouse on Highway 35 – folks that tune in pretty early.
Here’s a new word for Christmas – Banquet Beagle – ie – glutton “last time we had him at a fowl supper he inhaled a whole pie.
Watson have a beautiful light display this year and the biggest Santa Claus in Saskatchewan – they had a great kick off for their Christmas season and good morning to the McNab park committee – John Degoyer, Bill Sproule, Sherri Beamans, Debbie Schwartz, Myron Knaffle, Dan Fetter and Mayor Ted Riefferschied.
Saturday December 20th will be the busiest shopping day this year….there will be 500 debit and credit card purchases every second – doesn’t sound like much because you did 500 of your own on the weekend.
Got an email – Sarah Palins new book – “Just pay Shipping” – now that’s an interesting name for a new book. It must be about cross border shoplifting or something.
Wonder if Santa has enough coal for all the politicians this year.
Party411.com – fruitcake – centerpiece with branches, holy and candles. Holiday Door Knocker, Candle Holder, Knife holder, Guest towel holder (that takes 2 fruitcakes) – and place card holders.
NFL - We’re slowly getting closer to the end of the NFL season ...still not close enough to declare a champion in the office pool but close enough that a few are out of the running.
NORAD has a new web site for tracking Santa….. go to www.noradsanta.org and they’ll start tracking the big man at 6 a.m. on Christmas eve.
Santa makes 822.6 visits a second – no bad for an overweight 187 year old.
One thing about shopping on line - you can’t shop at the last minute like us guys are supposed too.
On Line shopping tip Number 9 – type carefully you don’t want herrings instead of earrings.
Later on the show this morning we’ll count up the Christmas shopping bruises.
Here’s where your kids would never look ...• In a box marked ‘Halloween Decorations’.• Inside the family luggage.• In a carton marked ‘Cleaning Supplies’.• Under your kid's bed.– “Parenting Magazine”
Claxton, Georgia has it written right on it’s water tower…. Fruitcake Capital of the World….the Georgia Fruit Cake Company is headquartered there – thought you may want to know where it came from – we cracked our first for supper last night
There’s a Christmas special that’s apparently been around for a couple of years called… Davey and Goliath’s Snowboard Christmas….in this special Davey goes snowboarding with his Muslim and Jewish friends and they discuss the differences in their holidays…. You know… amid talk of how they totally shredded that mountain dude
The Nintendo Wii is hard to find again this Christmas…. and the top games are Guitar Hero and Rock Band - Good luck trying to play Kumbayah on that guitar around the campfire next summer
Santa now has a Podcast and a Blog on line…… it’s being run out of Toronto at the web site santasjournal.com …. On the web site Santa is keeping a journal….
There’s a Christmas special that’s apparently been around for a couple of years called… Davey and Goliath’s Snowboard Christmas….in this special Davey goes snowboarding with his Muslim and Jewish friends and they discuss the differences in their holidays…. You know… amid talk of how they totally shredded that mountain dude
The Nintendo Wii is hard to find again this Christmas…. and the top games are Guitar Hero and Rock Band - Good luck trying to play Kumbayah on that guitar around the campfire next summer
Santa now has a Podcast and a Blog on line…… it’s being run out of Toronto at the web site santasjournal.com …. On the web site Santa is keeping a journal….
WACKY-BUT-TRUE: I SAW NEIGHBOR STEALING SANTA CLAUS _ A women in Maryland swiping Christmas decorations from her neighbor's lawns. She was found in her home with decorations from at least three area homes. Police were alerted to the thefts when a neighbor reported to police a loud noise at 4:30am and discovered her 4-foot-tall Santa and snowman had been taken from her yard.
THINGS OVERHEARD IN SANTA'S WORKSHOP:• “Whose tiny little fingers are these in the table saw?”• “You know Rudolph's 'naturally red nose'? Collagen injection.”• “I'll build toys for the fat butt, but shaving his back hair is where I draw the line.”• “Hey Santa, YOU try building a PlayStation with nothing but antique Victorian woodcarving tools, chubbo!!”• “Uh-oh! Looks like the big guy drank his lunch again.”
ETIQUETTE RULES FOR THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY:• Never mention how nice it is to have a boss who can play Santa without padding.• It's bad form to do a cannonball into the eggnog.• Try to act with dignity, decency and decorum ... even if you are a lawyer.• Do not recommend to the boss that she mix her Chivas with Slim-Fast.• Always carefully replace all the items on the boss’s desk after making out with a sales rep.• Nothing says class like a woman double fisting Seagram’s VO from the bottle.• If your party is ‘cash bar only’, consider quitting your job.
KNIEVEL GOES TO VEGAS on New Years Eve _ Robbie Knievel, the 46-year-old son of the late daredevil Evel Knievel, will jump the fire-spewing volcano at The Mirage hotel-casino in Las Vegas on a motorcycle as part of a television special on New Year's Eve.
TOP FIVE THINGS THAT DRIVE SANTA'S NEIGHBORS NUTS
Reindeer droppings on the lawn
"Doesn't that guy ever work? Oh yeah, once a year!"
Always parking his sleigh out in the street
Elf keggers
All that hammering and sawing in the toy shop
TOP FIVE SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN DOING TOO MUCH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
VISA has sent you a love note
You've got "Credit Card wrist"
The mall custodian knows your first name
Toys R Us ran out of something and called you to see if you had one
You even bought a gift for the door-to-door window salesman
TOP FIVE FIRST DRAFTS OF FAMOUS CHRISTMAS SONGS
"Jingle Beers"
"Do you smell what I smell?"
"Santa Claus is Coming to An All-Inclusive Club"
"O Little Town of Twisp, Washington"
"It came upon an 11pm Clear"
Christmas toys ... that should’ve never been made ….
Pole Dancer alarm clock – when the alarm goes off dance music plays and disco lights flash and a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around her pole under the spinning disco ball – $25.99
Coffin couch – remind yourself of your own mortality while vegging on the couch watching old re-runs of Six feet under – $3500.oo
Fish Bowl bookends – fish bowl bookends just rubs us the wrong way $32.95
Ticket to heaven – comes complete with travel kit that includes a certificate of your reservation, the official heaven identification card, and a Heaven 101 informational guide. Returns and exchanges not included $12.99
Life Gem – you can’t go wrong with diamonds made from Fluffy’s remains – Life Gems cremates departed pets using the carbon to create a unique gem with a creepy back story $10,000.
Fundies – underwear for 2 probably not what you had in mind when you told your boyfriend to buy you lingerie $9.99 a pair – a pair for a pair
• ‘Destiny Clock’ ... a clock that counts down to zero based on your life expectancy.
• ‘EZ Store Furniture’ ... furniture filled with helium that floats to the ceiling when not being used.• ‘Sunbather Toe Rings’ ... mini-handcuffs used to connect the big toes together, thereby preventing sunburn to the thighs.
